Crisp, Cool Sheets
Yes. I was born to be a housewife.
Suddenly, last night, my mood changed.
What happened? 
I finished the semester at college. I took the final exam.
So relieved was I, that as I walked the 7 blocks back to my car parked just off campus, I actually heard myself make an audible sigh.
***sigh***
"One less thing to have to worry about."
I can tell when I am happy. Sometimes it surprises me. There were so many years where I was not happy.
But today, I was singing! I graded about 120 papers without even batting an eye! I started deep cleaning my house. I washed 3 loads of laundry; whites, colors and darks.
Just how happy I was didn't sink in until about 20 minutes ago when I suddenly realized that I was ironing and starching my bedsheets.... and singing at the top of my lungs. (quite well I might add...)
Yes, I was meant to be a housewife. I love doing household chores. It is my career that gets in the way of my happiness. Perhaps that is why I have been so cross all semester, I am going to college for my masters. What symbolizes the antithesis of housewifedom more than a masters degree??
Oh, I had my chance at being a housewife. I was married to a guy who had a career that could have definitely kept us living in the manner in which we had become accustomed on our dual-income, 6-figure lifestyle-- even had I quit being a teacher to become a wife and mother.
But even with the cushion of disposable income, I was not happy. Not at all.
I don't know that I ever was happy being married.
Wait. Yes. There were five days.
My wedding day and the five days afterward were all good. Then it all went to piss-- for five years.
I have realized that I made a decision without even realizing it. I must have decided along the way that I wasn't going to waste anymore time allowing myself to never be happy again. That was a good decision. When I think back to a lot of my actions in the past year and a half, I can see myself being very decisive about this time and time again.
But one thing is true and is something I will have to learn to accept and be happy about at the same time. That is, the resignation to the idea that I will never be that stay-at-home mom. I will always be this: A career woman who longs for the free-time to get the sheets ironed and starched.
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1 comment:
Hi Katrina, thanks a lot for posting to my web page guest book. Interesting that you have some Welsh friends. There are a number of difficult accents in the British Isles and they don't always sound like ear candy! Welsh is considered quite a musical language. I take a lot of landscape photographs in black and white - Ansel Adams is quite an inspiration of mine. I have some of his books and everytime I look at them I make a plan to get over to Yosemite or wherever but I haven't got to the steps of the airplane just yet! I've been twice to the US - Detroit and Boston. I went out of town in both places -took a trip from Detroit to Niagara and then drove up from Boston to Montreal in Canada. It was great to be on the open road!
You have a really great blog, Katrina, and it is very interesting to read your thoughts. It is a very difficult thing to balance all the things we do in our lives and be really happy. It is really important to keep our minds and our bodies in good shape and to have as many interests as we can but of course that isn't always possible and sometimes easier said than done. Congratulations on completing your Masters! I'm intending to try for my Photography Masters this Fall. I think the most important thing is to do the best job we can and do things that make us happy. I have to go to France for a few days next month and right now I need to shape up with my French. I studied in college but it's a hard job recalling it all I can tell you! LOL
Now I have written you a lot! LOL
all the best
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