Crisp, Cool Sheets

Yes. I was born to be a housewife.

Suddenly, last night, my mood changed.

What happened?

I finished the semester at college. I took the final exam.

So relieved was I, that as I walked the 7 blocks back to my car parked just off campus, I actually heard myself make an audible sigh.

***sigh***

"One less thing to have to worry about."

I can tell when I am happy. Sometimes it surprises me. There were so many years where I was not happy.

But today, I was singing! I graded about 120 papers without even batting an eye! I started deep cleaning my house. I washed 3 loads of laundry; whites, colors and darks.

Just how happy I was didn't sink in until about 20 minutes ago when I suddenly realized that I was ironing and starching my bedsheets.... and singing at the top of my lungs. (quite well I might add...)

Yes, I was meant to be a housewife. I love doing household chores. It is my career that gets in the way of my happiness. Perhaps that is why I have been so cross all semester, I am going to college for my masters. What symbolizes the antithesis of housewifedom more than a masters degree??

Oh, I had my chance at being a housewife. I was married to a guy who had a career that could have definitely kept us living in the manner in which we had become accustomed on our dual-income, 6-figure lifestyle-- even had I quit being a teacher to become a wife and mother.

But even with the cushion of disposable income, I was not happy. Not at all.

I don't know that I ever was happy being married.

Wait. Yes. There were five days.

My wedding day and the five days afterward were all good. Then it all went to piss-- for five years.

I have realized that I made a decision without even realizing it. I must have decided along the way that I wasn't going to waste anymore time allowing myself to never be happy again. That was a good decision. When I think back to a lot of my actions in the past year and a half, I can see myself being very decisive about this time and time again.

But one thing is true and is something I will have to learn to accept and be happy about at the same time. That is, the resignation to the idea that I will never be that stay-at-home mom. I will always be this: A career woman who longs for the free-time to get the sheets ironed and starched.