I Should've Taken a Left Turn in Albuquerque

Yesterday, I pulled into a Taco Bueno and had lunch at 2PM. I decided not to deny myself, (as I usually do), and I ordered the #3. This is Mexidips and Chips/ Muchaco Value Meal and I got a Diet Coke.
I didn't want to have to drag it back into school because I knew I had no place other than the Teacher's Lounge to eat it. I didn't want to go in there.

So, I pulled into a sunny parking spot and ate in the car while I listened to conservative talk radio.

As I munched, I remembered.

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When I lived in New Mexico, I had a 45 mile commute. Oftentimes, I was very hungry as I left school. Teaching ninth graders has a way of wearing you out.

I had to drive across the West Mesa, and onto two different interstate highways, across a mountain pass, through the foothills and into the area where the forest meets the high plains where my house was. I usually got home sometimes between 4:30 and 5PM.


There was a time when I hated going home, but was afraid of NOT going home. Life with an addict is difficult. You feel trapped. You want to escape and not have to face it.... yet compelled to rush home to rescue if necessary. You are a prisoner to responsibility, because the addict doesn't care.

And you want to do the right thing.

Life like this doesn't leave much time for you. You start to relish little rewards for yourself that you know you can get away with without consequence. You can't take yourself shopping, because that takes money and you never know when living with an addict if the mortgage money will be there. There may be a 600 dollar package of pills that arrived from UPS while you were gone at work.

You never know.

There was no Taco Bueno in Albuquerque. But there was Taco Cabana!

On days when I dreaded going home, I would make a special detour from my normal route, go to the Taco Cabana and order whatever I wanted.

Six or seven dollars won't break the bank, you see.... and I would sit in my car and eat my nachos. I was alone, doing something just for myself and enjoying a treat just for me..... and I
thought.

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Sitting in my car eating my nachos yesterday made me remember those days and I thanked God that they were over forever.

Single Thirty-something Teacher in Need of Taco Bueno.

When I wake up at 5:30am on school mornings, I don't feel like this.

Today I am groggy, my body's tired.... I ache. I wonder, "how can I sleep 7 hours and still feel like this?" I think about all the things I have to do this morning and I roll over. My cat is there and he stands up purring wanting a rub. He has been waiting for a sign that I was awake just for this rub-down.

When I get up, I go into the bathroom and use the "new"/old toilet that I re-installed just yesterday. "Oh, that's why I ache. " I remember that yesterday, I painted the ceiling, re-grouted the bottom of the shower and installed a toilet.

My pantry is bare. I can't honestly remember the last time I actually "grocery shopped". My trips to the grocery store are usually emergency runs..... toilet paper, dog food, kiwi fruit for a lab.

This is what it means to be a thirty-something, single and working a full-time job and going to college at night. Who has time for groceries?

I have a house to take care of, a lawn to mow, animals who need attention, a boyfriend 40 miles away and a family in the same town who I never see.

Other women who live in homes who are my age usually have someone else to help take care of the home. They can yell at their roommate, or husband or children to "go gather the trash!" or "let the dog out" or "load the dishwasher". I have to do it all.

"All" includes painting, repairing, mowing...... all those things that didn't use to happen when I lived in an apartment. You don't realize how many things like that there are. The apartment people would even clean my windows. Those were the days.

But then I have to remember that I wanted this house just so I could do all those things. I like to do them. Problem is... I like someone to share those things. This is what I was forgetting.

So it's off to Taco Bueno for me. Thank GOD they make breakfast now. I live in fast food hell. It could be worse.... I actually like fast food.

I order the sausage, egg and queso burrito with a medium Dr. Pepper. As the first swig of DP courses through my intestines I instantly feel better. "Man, I am really addicted..... a DP junkie", I think as I take another dose.