I Should've Taken a Left Turn in Albuquerque
Yesterday, I pulled into a Taco Bueno and had lunch at 2PM. I decided not to deny myself, (as I usually do), and I ordered the #3. This is Mexidips and Chips/ Muchaco Value Meal and I got a Diet Coke.
I didn't want to have to drag it back into school because I knew I had no place other than the Teacher's Lounge to eat it. I didn't want to go in there.
So, I pulled into a sunny parking spot and ate in the car while I listened to conservative talk radio.
As I munched, I remembered.
**************
When I lived in New Mexico, I had a 45 mile commute. Oftentimes, I was very hungry as I left school. Teaching ninth graders has a way of wearing you out.
I had to drive across the West Mesa, and onto two different interstate highways, across a mountain pass, through the foothills and into the area where the forest meets the high plains where my house was. I usually got home sometimes between 4:30 and 5PM.
There was a time when I hated going home, but was afraid of NOT going home. Life with an addict is difficult. You feel trapped. You want to escape and not have to face it.... yet compelled to rush home to rescue if necessary. You are a prisoner to responsibility, because the addict doesn't care.
And you want to do the right thing.
Life like this doesn't leave much time for you. You start to relish little rewards for yourself that you know you can get away with without consequence. You can't take yourself shopping, because that takes money and you never know when living with an addict if the mortgage money will be there. There may be a 600 dollar package of pills that arrived from UPS while you were gone at work.
You never know.
There was no Taco Bueno in Albuquerque. But there was Taco Cabana!
On days when I dreaded going home, I would make a special detour from my normal route, go to the Taco Cabana and order whatever I wanted.
Six or seven dollars won't break the bank, you see.... and I would sit in my car and eat my nachos. I was alone, doing something just for myself and enjoying a treat just for me..... and I
thought.
*******************
Sitting in my car eating my nachos yesterday made me remember those days and I thanked God that they were over forever.
I didn't want to have to drag it back into school because I knew I had no place other than the Teacher's Lounge to eat it. I didn't want to go in there.
So, I pulled into a sunny parking spot and ate in the car while I listened to conservative talk radio.
As I munched, I remembered.
**************
When I lived in New Mexico, I had a 45 mile commute. Oftentimes, I was very hungry as I left school. Teaching ninth graders has a way of wearing you out.
I had to drive across the West Mesa, and onto two different interstate highways, across a mountain pass, through the foothills and into the area where the forest meets the high plains where my house was. I usually got home sometimes between 4:30 and 5PM.
There was a time when I hated going home, but was afraid of NOT going home. Life with an addict is difficult. You feel trapped. You want to escape and not have to face it.... yet compelled to rush home to rescue if necessary. You are a prisoner to responsibility, because the addict doesn't care.
And you want to do the right thing.
Life like this doesn't leave much time for you. You start to relish little rewards for yourself that you know you can get away with without consequence. You can't take yourself shopping, because that takes money and you never know when living with an addict if the mortgage money will be there. There may be a 600 dollar package of pills that arrived from UPS while you were gone at work.
You never know.
There was no Taco Bueno in Albuquerque. But there was Taco Cabana!
On days when I dreaded going home, I would make a special detour from my normal route, go to the Taco Cabana and order whatever I wanted.
Six or seven dollars won't break the bank, you see.... and I would sit in my car and eat my nachos. I was alone, doing something just for myself and enjoying a treat just for me..... and I
thought.
*******************
Sitting in my car eating my nachos yesterday made me remember those days and I thanked God that they were over forever.
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4 comments:
Very powerful - you're a good writer.
I live in Canada - we don't have any good taco places here, though I have driven through Cali before and the take out places there have pretty monster portions.
well JJ, I live in Texas and was born here too... and ALL of our portions are monster. Things really are bigger in Texas including our waist-lines
Albuquerque, at least up to the Rio Grande used to be Texas too.... so that counts I guess.
;-)
Hi Katrina, well I've taken quite a few left turns to find my way to your Taco Bueno. I posted on Female Science Professor's Blog of Note - screen savers and so did you and so I took another left turn and found myself reading your story. I'm from Swansea, Wales - if you've heard of the poet Dylan Thomas - Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night etc - he was born there. There's only one thing you need to know about Wales - it rains a lot - but strangely not much this year! I was glad to read your story and I hope things are happy for you now - that's the main thing in life I think! I'm a photographer but not a great blogger but you can check out what I have on my page! I've seen some great black and white landscape photos of New Mexico by Ansel Adams - one is called Aspen Trees in Northern New Mexico - stunning!
We also have our own language in Wales so I'll say 'Hwyl am nawr'! Bye for now
All the best
Rhys
Thanks Rhys!
I used to have some friends from Wales. Their uncle came to visit during a wedding in Seattle and I couldn't understand a word he said. (He had a very thick accent)
Northern New Mexico is God's land. Absolutely gorgeous. But you have to get off the freeway and up into the mountains to gain access.
I have a lot of pictures that look like that photograph by Ansel Adams.
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